Posts Tagged Outdoor Galore Store
I think some of us here realize that I don’t work in an Outdoor Store.
“So where else does he get these true-sounding stories of not-quite-smart people?” I imagine I hear from off-stage.
In this particular case, I was (You may not be surprised to discover) standing next to a dog. My dog.
Roscoe (the name of my dog) is about a hundred and fifteen pounds of dog. During the summers, he occasionally wears a cute little backpack wherein he carries stuff that’ll help if he, like he did just before I bought the pack, discovers that he really needs a dish of water really, really fast to recover from too much sun. And when I say “cute little backpack”, I mean, of course, “Saddlebags.”
Now, the scene should be set. Me. Dog. Saddlebags. Oh, Dogpark. Yes, we’re in the park. With people. I forgot to mention that there were people. And there were.
So this guy is standing there, looking at Roscoe’s cool saddlebags, and… you know what? You can guess the rest.
He asks about the handle and then asks how the hell I’m gonna carry Roscoe around by that handle. And the world went deadly quiet. while we waited on the answer to occur to ol’ Skippy standing there.
I assume this guy is thinking maybe he needs a saddlebag dog backpack because he’s going to carry around his dog, which is much more of the fluppy-wuppy dust mop variety than any real dog, the sort of which has not become so far removed from a gray wolf by countless generations of what can only be called ritualized animal abuse that it’s not any sort of self-respecting dog any more. …There may need to be more of that sentence. It’s late, my tummy hurts, and subclauses… subclauses are hard.
Anyway, I did what you would have done in the situation. I stood straight up, looked the guy RIGHT in the eye and said…
“The handle is for when I carry the backpack instead of the dog carrying it.”
And he said, (I kid you not!)
On the other hand, I talked to this one guy who had a life jacket for his li’l Chihuahua. It had a handle on it too. They used to use the handle to lift the little dog out of the river and back into their canoe, or more entertainingly, lift him out of the canoe in order to chuck him into the river when he was ready to swim. They weren’t being mean to him (Don’t be mean to animals. D.B.A.D.) ’cause the dog thought it was great. And the idea of a little goggle-eyed curling stone is funny to me.
Wish me “Happy Birthday”! I’m Fifty Nine.
Not really. But I’m certainly not one of those people who try to say, “I’m Twenty Nine.” and think it’s funny. It’s not. Mostly ’cause I look like Hell on a Hot Day for ‘Twenty Nine’.
So I add a few years.
I look GOOD for Fifty Nine, lemme tell ya.
“Yes, That’s correct.”
That’s the answer to so many comments that come our way. “You’ll never believe me when I tell you this…” and “I don’t understand…” and “What’re you, some kinda smart aleck?”
On the other hand, so many times that people start with “You’ll never guess…” they’re right only because they don’t give us the chance. If they’d shut up talking, we might take a stab at a few guesses. Say what you mean, people. You want us to guess or not? Know what you want before you lay it out in front of us.
Okay, so there’s a little icon on the left hand side of the site that says ‘Outdoor Galore Store’. I usually don’t make much of it here because there are about a dozen designs I’d like to load up , and I always think I’ll take a day to prepare them and then send everyone scurrying over there to take a look.
But I usually get bogged down elsewhere.
Until I got off my butt long enough to ask a buddy of mine to work his magic on a Big Stanky Creek Outdoorfest shirt design. He does stuff for The Boy Scouts, and Drake Waterfowl, and Dagger kayaks, and you get the idea- he does amazing work. Big hand, everyone, for Mr. Mike Womack! (click HERE and see more of his work. Need a fine logo or T-shirt design, anyone?)
So now, if you want to tell everyone that you were a competitor at the Outdoorfest, I’ll back you up. You just need the shirt, and you need to tell a good story about how you wrecked a wagon in the ReadyFlyer Downhill, and crashed into a big fat guy and nearly broke a… whatever bone you like. Your choice.
The back of the shirt is filled with sponsors’ logos- inside gags for those who read the strip, really.
So there you go. Shirts in the store!
I’ll try to have the rest of the new designs soon. I promise. Really.