I think some of us here realize that I don’t work in an Outdoor Store.
“So where else does he get these true-sounding stories of not-quite-smart people?” I imagine I hear from off-stage.
In this particular case, I was (You may not be surprised to discover) standing next to a dog. My dog.
Roscoe (the name of my dog) is about a hundred and fifteen pounds of dog. During the summers, he occasionally wears a cute little backpack wherein he carries stuff that’ll help if he, like he did just before I bought the pack, discovers that he really needs a dish of water really, really fast to recover from too much sun. And when I say “cute little backpack”, I mean, of course, “Saddlebags.”
Now, the scene should be set. Me. Dog. Saddlebags. Oh, Dogpark. Yes, we’re in the park. With people. I forgot to mention that there were people. And there were.
So this guy is standing there, looking at Roscoe’s cool saddlebags, and… you know what? You can guess the rest.
He asks about the handle and then asks how the hell I’m gonna carry Roscoe around by that handle. And the world went deadly quiet. while we waited on the answer to occur to ol’ Skippy standing there.
I assume this guy is thinking maybe he needs a saddlebag dog backpack because he’s going to carry around his dog, which is much more of the fluppy-wuppy dust mop variety than any real dog, the sort of which has not become so far removed from a gray wolf by countless generations of what can only be called ritualized animal abuse that it’s not any sort of self-respecting dog any more. …There may need to be more of that sentence. It’s late, my tummy hurts, and subclauses… subclauses are hard.
Anyway, I did what you would have done in the situation. I stood straight up, looked the guy RIGHT in the eye and said…
“The handle is for when I carry the backpack instead of the dog carrying it.”
And he said, (I kid you not!)
“Oh. …Yeah.”
On the other hand, I talked to this one guy who had a life jacket for his li’l Chihuahua. It had a handle on it too. They used to use the handle to lift the little dog out of the river and back into their canoe, or more entertainingly, lift him out of the canoe in order to chuck him into the river when he was ready to swim. They weren’t being mean to him (Don’t be mean to animals. D.B.A.D.) ’cause the dog thought it was great. And the idea of a little goggle-eyed curling stone is funny to me.
I think you got closer to the issue with an earlier comic where a lady wants to buy the toy display tent for her ferret to camp in in the woods. Paste said he couldn’t sell it to her, she begged more or less and he said he’d give it to her for the video rights.
100 lbs? He should work out?
Greg.
Greg.
Greg.
Do you have ANY idea HOW GREAT a strip would be of a GOOGLE-EYED curling stone!?!?!
Why did you use words to describe a picture thing?
Tell your tummy to stop hurting. It’s not buying any sympathy from the rest of your internals.
Discus, discus, dog…
He want’s to be a discus dog…
(Disco Duck song thingie)
LoL
THAT is hilarious! My mentors have a 50lb Boxer and say she’d NEVER allow a backpack to be put on her. LoL
Greg … your story is awesome.
Question for everyone: I have a tooth that needs pullin, and no money . .. who wants to tie a string to it, and another end to their bumper and help me remove said tooth? 😀
(alternatively you could just shoot me, to get me out of my misery.)
Call your local clinic, explain the situation and get a number. There are places that will do free or close to it emergency work like that.
Last tooth I had pulled was next to an empty spot so it was easy to get at, and my dentist charged me about half the normal charge because of that; plus it was a single root extraction. And as usual I was paying him cash about then (was just trying to get insurance at time) and he let me pay a few payments (cost about $150 with 3 shots of novocaine) with a third down at the door.
If there is a teaching hospital or a teaching dental school near you, they will sometimes have free or very cheap if you will let students under supervision work on you. I’ve done that at times.
Teaching dentists are the best. Often you can be a demonstration for a half dozen beginners, so a pro works on you and teaches the others “this is how it’s done”.
Turns out I get to have a double root canal!
YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WHOOOO!!!! I can’t wait, it’s sooooo exciting, that I’d rather just die. LoL
I’ve had a triple. Then they gave up and pulled the goddamn tooth. I do sort of wish I’d known it would be that bad, so that I could have just had it pulled in the first place, but I didn’t know that it wouldn’t “take”.
Best of luck.
Yikes. Think of a different name to use than ‘double root canal’. Maybe that’d help take the fear out of it. Call it something like ‘Friendly Happy Smiley Pain’… or, y’know… something.
I have a small mouth and the back lower right filled tooth went infected underneath. I had one twinge on a trip so when I got back I got an appointment. My dentist of 38 years of experience came ripping back in the room saying how fast can you get (downtown to a specialist he referred all his root canals to) and can I drive or should he call an ambulance? Wha? I take the xrays with me and the specialist had cleared his afternoon and when he finally got it dead and started drilling the tooth filling broke in half and geysered for about 5 minutes… THEN he went to work. During this he had to give me shots from the top down into the tooth pulp in the roots. I removed the chrome finish off the ring at the bottom of the chair (and tore up some fingernails bad). This was a 3 rooter, he found the third as he worked. Years later I’m about to have the remains of this finally capped off as a chunk that cracked there, totally did break off. For what I’ve gotten into one tooth I could have had an implant. And I left a LOT of juicy details out…. If you CAN have nitrous oxide, do it. I am the rare one it doesn’t work on so it’s me, novocaine and a lot of ugly dental stories.
My condolences. I have to have nitrous for anything more stressful than a checkup/light cleaning.
My better half can have it and he really does enjoy his gas-time. Our insurance won’t cover that, and I have mandated (written inside his folder cover) that he gets gas, no questions, we understand we have to pay for that. I had general once to do two very ugly extractions and that was good. Go to sleep, wake up with stitches in mouth and you’re done.
Oh yeah, my major pet peeve, those dissolveable stitches in your mouth. One end comes free almost immediately and the other end with knot flops around for about 2-3 days before it comes off.
Alternate responses (for next time)
It’s not a handle, it’s a belt loop for this Championship Luchador belt.
That’s just for the office chair sled dog races.
It’a a one point sling for his uber ninja operator mega tactical parachute, for when the president calls him up.
Oh, that’s just my dog cosplaying at luggage.
Love the last one
big ropes are at the hardware store down the road. looks like lowel has a companion now in the dumb department.
Yep. Our dachshund has a lifevest with a handle on it for when we go kayaking in the back bay areas (no open water with her–safety first).
She rides in the lead kayak, and when she decides she needs to jump into the water to catch a fish (because dachshunds are more guts than sense), it’s up to the chase kayak to grab the handle and haul her back in.
Because while the vest helps her float, that dog CANNOT swim effectively. No forward momentum but lots of kicking with stubby little legs, resulting in slow rotations in place, much like a hot dog on a roller.
…aaaaand I’ll leave you with that mental image. Have fun with it.