Brother Jeff interviews himself.
Interviewer Jeff: It looks like you just got back from a bike ride. I can see there’s mud on your teeth.
Biker Jeff: Yes. I tend to smile a lot when I’m cruising down a muddy single track.
IJ: So, you enjoy mountain biking after a rain?
BJ: After, during, before. It doesn’t matter. When the trail’s muddy it seems like a whole new trail. It’s a nice change of pace. You have to change your style. Lean back a bit more, check your speed, stay off the brakes in the turns, anticipate the slide, blame the kids for the muddy footprints in the kitchen when your wife gets home…
IJ: Did you wipe out today? You know, take a tumble, taco a rim, get another concussion?
BJ: Nope. I haven’t wrecked this season except for that one jump at Squilchuck back in August. I had no problem going off the jump, but I must have forgotten to make sure the bike was under me for the landing. I lost a little skin, but I wasn’t using it for anything at the time. And, as for the concussion last year, I don’t think I had a concuss… it was… What was the question?
IJ: I don’t remember the question. I think we were just talking to our-self.
Hey, did you see any wildlife on the trail today?
BJ: No attack-grouse today, and no rattlesnakes on the trail, but the damage from the big boys was all over.
IJ: Damage? Big Boy’s? Did someone attack a Shoney’s?
BJ: No, man, the animals… the deer have been using my trail and tearing it up. Then there are the elk. The only difference between an elk and a furry post-hole digger is that a post-hole digger doesn’t poop while it’s making holes in your trail.
BI: How about bears?
BJ: Funny I should ask me that question. There was a young bear just ahead of me today. I never got a look at him/her, but I heard him/her up in the brush when I got off the bike to take pictures. I accidently chased him/her back in the summer at the same spot (if it’s the same bear). Jet black, small, and really fast – faster than I am on the bike going full speed.
IJ: Aren’t you worried you’ll get attacked?
BJ: No. I don’t think he can ride a bike, and I’m pretty sure the service berries taste better than me. That said, if he ever gets tired of being chased, I’ll have to do some swift negotiation involving peanut butter, ‘cause there’s no way I could outrun him.
IJ: Well, there you have it, folks. That’s all the time I care to spend talking to myself. Until next time, happy autumn trails!
