You can’t win, you know.  Your instincts and your forebrain and real life aren’t on the same page.  They’re not even reading from the same book, no matter what anyone tries to tell you.

Want to hear one of my favorite theories?  This is a fun one.  Share it, but remember to tell everyone you heard it here.

You know how boys tend to do stupid stuff “to impress girls”? And everyone stands around going “Why’s that idiot riding his bike with no hands, standing up on the handlebars?” and “Why’s that kid mouthing off to his buddies about his sports abilities and injuries?” and “Doesn’t he realize that girls aren’t impressed by that macho crap?”

Well, they’re right.  It doesn’t make sense that guys do dumb things in front of girls to impress them.

That’s not what they’re doing.

They’re doing stuff to intimidate and drive off the other males, thus having more opportunity with the females for themselves.  Pure biology, but we insist on seeing it the wrong way ’round.

We need a Jane Goodall primatologist for people.  Someone to sit around the mall and say, “The loud male I call ‘Zippy’ in the red shirt is posturing in front of his friends and bullying elderly humans in hopes of mating with the blonde cheerleader I have named “Ditzy”.  I will follow their progress closely.”