So. New Year. We were at the Liberty Bowl with my wife’s fam’ly and friends from her Alma Mater. As the other team was from Texas- home of the Truly Insane High School and College Football Fans, and the fact that Mississippi State trounced them, I have no doubt that by now, the Rice team will have been ceremonially barbecued and their spirits cast upon the wind to appease whatever obscure and arcane god they choose to believe in, being from a state where cheerleaders’ mothers will kill one another in order to secure their daughters opportunities to be impregnated by someone or some bunch of ones who have played football for a reputable school.
That being said, the Mississippi fans, many of whom had little real command of the English language outside of its expletives (Yes, I’m talking about you, Cooter, in the bleacher behind me, and the two guys wrapped in official MSU Snugglies in front…), showed that lack of skill at the tops of their lungs, as they had to do so over the sound of nearly fifty thousand cowbells. Fifty Thousand. You heard me. I, of course, can’t hear a damned thing this morning. I normally express myself in the grossest of hyperbole. But in this instance, I have video. Fifty thousand.
If any of the above references anger you (the modern ‘go’ position of most internet users being that of apoplectic outrage) I encourage you to re-read the paragraphs with 1) a complete and reverential tone of sarcasm and 2) the manic sort of English accent that only members of Monty Python or, currently, John Oliver are capable of.
Have a Happy and Fruitful New Year. Really. Everyone have a fantastic 2014 all year long. No Kiddin’.