This is not the great red spot on Jupiter.  Nor is it a nipple, for those of you who were lookin’ for some adventure porn.  It’s a paintball bruise.  It’s whatcha get on the back of your thigh when you’re playing paintball with a bunch of high-strung kids who are hopped up on adrenaline, Gears Of War, and birthday cake.  Yes, you can raise your gun over your head, yes you can call “I’m Out.” but one of the little buggers will still shoot you on the back of the leg just out of basic twitchiness.  And for any of you who have seen me in kayaking gear and know that my leg is hairier than the one here- you’re right.  It’s my wife’s thigh.  Swoon, you mooks.  It’s a nice leg.


Oh, and this is the bruise she had as quick as we got home from the paintball field.  She wouldn’t let me take a picture two days later when it looked like a tropical fish for color and design.  Amazing.